
Kirby Lou: the Wiener Dog with a Ph.D. in Orphan Therapy.
Kirby Lou is my wiener dog. Technically speaking, he’s a 12-year-old standard, long-hair, black and tan dapple Dachshund, but around my house, we go the casual route with wiener dog. It seems to fit him better: he’s a very laid back kinda guy. And this past Sunday, which happened to be Mother’s Day, I found myself pondering Kirby’s tremendous contribution to our family. Not as a loving pet, or a guard dog (heavens no – he’s way too lazy) nor as a well-behaved example of canine intelligence (while intelligent, Kirby’s laziness trumps all, so he has never really cared about learning tricks or performing.)
No, Kirby Lou’s contribution is in the area of family therapy. He has a Ph.D.
(Okay: full disclosure. His Ph.D. is honorary, like the types bestowed upon famous people who never actually went to said university, but receive the honor for other reasons. Rocker Bono of U2 has one from the University of Pennsylvania. Kirby’s Ph.D. comes from…let’s call it Lytle University.)
So why the accolades? To understand, you need a bit of Kirby history. Back in the day when I was a time-crunched, freewheeling, child-free graduate student, I decided I wanted to adopt a Dachshund. Clearly, this was an insane idea (so said the very responsible people in my life who had a tendency to worry too much.) I registered with Florida Dachshund Rescue and one day, on their site, there he was: my future best friend, confidant and family therapist. I drove an hour to his foster home and found the furry love of my life.
He was three times bigger than all the other wiener dogs in that foster pack, and we clicked in an instant. Even the foster mom was shocked: Kirby, at a year old, had recently been taken in. He had been viciously beaten, nearly starved to death and otherwise abused for his first year. A neighbor threatened his original owners and they signed a release. Then the long, skinny, sad-eyed Kirby was off to Rescueland…and eventually to my one-bedroom apartment.
Fast forward.
Many years later, I started to work with Ukrainian orphanages. I traveled back and forth from my home in Omaha, Nebraska, to a very small town that no one would ever visit unless they had a specific reason. It was a hidden, poverty stricken corner of the country. While on one of my many trips, I met a young boy, Vlad, who would later become my son. He was six when I met him and almost nine by the time I could finish the fight to bring him home and out of the life of an orphan.
Along the way, I decided that adopting two older boys would be even better. I found my second son, Ian, in an orphanage many hours drive away in a different city. There was another young man, Viktor, almost an adult by then, that I’d grown to know and love through my trips to Ukraine. He was the third in my trio of beloved Ukrainians I wished to make into a family. (Cue eye roll from those same uber-cautious people in my life. They ended up wrong again!)
Four years ago, my adoption of the two younger boys (then eight and almost nine) was complete. They came home with me and became American citizens as our plane landed in Chicago. About five months later, I went back for Viktor, bringing him as a student to finish American high school and go on to college. And now we are a family of four, with the ups and downs and trials and joys of any family. The trials part is where Kirby came in and earned his Ph.D.
You see, when you adopt older children, just like older rescue pets, you know that they bring with them histories that span the spectrum from unpleasant to tragic. No one ends up in need of a family at age eight, nine or seventeen without their own tale to tell, their own unique issues to work through and hurts to overcome. It was, in a much more complex way of course, the same process I went through with Kirby years before. It took Kirby quite a while to trust again and forget the abuse he’d suffered. And as it ends up, it was Kirby who helped cement our family together.
The much older adopted child, like an older teenager, often has the language and maturity to understand how their past affects their present. If you can earn their trust, they will share this with you. By sharing, they are able to learn to trust and hope and eventually move beyond what has been and embrace what can be. That wasn’t the main issue in our newly formed family. In my case, the challenge was much more with the younger boys. They simply didn’t have the years of insight or ability to express themselves easily share the traumas they’d been through in their short lives. Their ability to trust and fully attach to their new lives and especially, their new mom, was hampered at times by fear that it would happen again – they’d find themselves rejected, discarded, unloved, alone.
From the time I met both of the younger boys, I shared stories with them of Kirby Lou, the funny looking “Taksa” as Dachshunds are called in Ukraine. The day I had to leave Vlad, my blue-eyed, charming little guy behind the first time in Ukraine (remember, it took three years to be able to bring him home, so there were many visits when I had to leave him behind), I left him a stuffed dog and a photo of Kirby (as you can see in the photo from that day.) We pledged that when we missed each other, we’d each hug our own “Kirby” and then we wouldn’t be alone. From that day, Kirby took on mythical, tangible qualities to Vlad. So by the time both of the younger boys reached their new spaceship-themed bedroom in America, Kirby was already ‘theirs.’
I started to explain Kirby’s history to the boys, and I could see immediately that they connected. I’d find them often talking to Kirby (usually with Kirby laying under the covers with them, head on pillow as if he was also a boy and not a dog), sharing details of their former lives. I’d be let in on the conversation, too. I learned a lot in those early days at home, courtesy of an immediate trust they had in Kirby. (And while I could speak Russian, the language my boys spoke, language didn’t matter to Kirby. Another beauty of a dog as family therapist for adopted children!)
Kirby’s life history also served to help them get over their fears in their new family. I’d hear a lot of statements like, “Kirby, your first family didn’t take care of you. You were even hungry. But now you’re never hungry and everybody here loves you. You don’t have to worry, Kirby, you have a good family forever now.”
I’d also field a lot of questions about Kirby’s former mother(s.) “Mom, what happened to Kirby’s birth mom?” I’d explain that in his case, I was told by the breeder we later found, his ‘birth mom’ just didn’t want to care for him. She had a lot of puppies and she had rejected him, but we don’t know why. But it certainly wasn’t because he wasn’t a magnificent wiener dog – as we all knew! This was like a light bulb going off in their heads – something I could literally see in their eyes. They understood that it wasn’t Kirby’s fault. And it wasn’t theirs.
The same reaction came when we talked about the abusive family who had first adopted Kirby. That would always lead into conversations about moms in general. Usually, it was one of the boys saying to Kirby at bedtime, “Kirbster, no one will be mean to you again. You have a mom who loves you now. If you have that and food and toys, you have everything.” They were reassuring themselves as they reassured Kirby. And this helped them understand that this was their reality now, too.
They even understood that while Kirby did things that got him in trouble (usually related to stealing people’s food, breaking into the treats container, or…um, trying to smuggle nasty surprises in the house…), it didn’t change that I loved him. It didn’t mean I’d throw him out on the street or back to a shelter. This also translated for them, as this was their greatest fear. Kirby Lou Wiener Dog, without even realizing it, did more for their emotional adjustment and healing in their first year home than any therapist with a real Ph.D. did. All without uttering a word. (No slight to therapists, who can be instrumental in helping adopted kids as well!)
So, this Mother’s Day, as I lay next to my Kirby, who is an old, old man now, I thanked him. I thanked him for being my first ‘baby’, for being my best friend for so many years. But most of all, I thanked him for helping tighten up our non-traditional family. For helping my boys believe in me as a mom. His patience, love and sad, soulful eyes helped two little boys overcome many years of difficulty and neglect. His optimism and apparent lack of fear helped them be brave, too. His close, trusting relationship with me – despite the fact that other ‘moms’ had rejected or hurt him before (just like the boys) – gave them a kind of encouragement to bond that I don’t think anything else ever could have.
This once nearly dead, abandoned and forlorn wiener dog has now made quite a legacy for himself. Kirby has been much more than a dog to us. He has been a bridge to each other. That definitely qualifies him for a Ph.D. in my book.
And if you know anyone at Florida Dachshund Rescue, please tell them they were right to take the chance on the crazy graduate student and the huge standard long hair they let her adopt, despite living in an apartment and not having a fenced yard. He’s been treated like a king and is now the patriarch of the family!
Photos: (Top) Vlad, Ian and Viktor celebrating Kirby’s 10th birthday. (Right) Saying goodbye to Vlad in Ukraine until my next trip. Vlad has his stuffed ‘Kirby’ and a photo of the world’s best wiener dog. (Left) Vlad and Kirby together at last in America.
Tags: dog, Index, rescue pets
Awesome story! Thanks so much for sharing:) I think Kirby deserves his PhD status too!
Thanks, Amanda! I agree – that”s why I awarded him his Ph.D. from Lytle University! Haha!
Quite an amazing story which hopefully will inspire others on the healing benefits and lessons that can be learned through our pets.
Thanks for sharing.
Nancy, you”re right – we can certainly learn a lot about healing and forgiving from pets.
What an awesome family you have! Thank you for sharing!
Courtney, I think my family is just proof that in the end, family is a choice more than it is biology! 🙂 Thanks for reading.
Kelly, thank you so much for sharing this touching story! Kirby sounds positively wonderful and so do your boys!
Thanks for reading, Nichole!
What a beautiful, eloquent, and loving post. Kirby Lou is the perfect example of the wondrous bond we create with the pets we love. Thanks so much for this outstanding piece of writing, Kelly, and for sharing Kirby”s (and your) story with us!
Beautiful!!!
Thank you, Deb! Kirby is still seeking a wife…and Maisey is still tops on his list. We could even post wedding photos here. 😉
Excellent post! Those who have no pets are missing out on so much, as this post so wonderfully illustrates! Thanks Kelly for the wonderful reminder of why pets are family.
Thanks for commenting, Sandy. I wish all children could grow up with pets. Besides the emotional benefits my boys have had from Kirby, they”ve also learned responsibility (they don”t like that part so much, when it comes to being on ”poo duty” in the yard or letting them out!) Pets are awesome.
Wow…wow…wow….maybe it”s not “cool” to sit at your desk at work and cry, but I”m overwhelmed. What a wonderful story! Kirby doesn”t need just a PhD, he needs a whole university named after him! Way to go, Kelly, and thanks for sharing your family”s wonderful story!
Good idea, Melissa! Kirby Lou Wiener Dog University. Or perhaps Kirby Lou University (I can hear it now – Kirby Lou U!) Or perhaps just a department at a university. The Kirby Lou College of Theraputic Studies at Harvard University. Niiiiice. Especially for a dog that doesn”t even shake or obey commands!
Awe how cute, he looks like the chubbiest wiener dog I”ve ever seen!
Lara, you bring up an interesting point. In fact, he is sitting sideways in the photos – and since the boys have come home four years ago, has become a mere shadow of himself! He was very chunky (as wiener dogs tend to be – especially those with an insatiable appetite like Kirbster.) When the boys got home, he started to play and chase more at the ripe old age of eight. But now he is 12, going on 13, and he doesn”t get the exercise as much. Unless you define exercise as jumping on a chair and up on the back of said chair to grab a Zip-Loc bag of left over pizza (an entire pepperoni and extra cheese pizza, to be exact), haul it down, tear open the bag and eat the ENTIRE thing. Yeah, he did. In October. And lived to tell. But all in all, he is within about 1 pound of his ideal weight of 28 pounds. He is a standard – so he is also like two feet long, which is why he can weigh that much! Our other weenie is only 11 pounds!
I to know what a life change a dachshund can make. I got the love of my life from Sadie. I got her after I lost my baby and then found out I had cervical cancer. I could never have children. I had her for 16+ years and she was the love of my life. Then my step-father passed away and got a long haired dachshund for my mother because she could not sleep. Daisy which had been passed to several owners and no one wanted her did it…she is the love of my mothers eye…then came Lucy Lou. Now this one is just the cat””s meow to my mother. My mother has Lymphoma Leukaemia and these dogs stayed next to her as she went through chemo. After Sadie died…I still had to have something to love unconditional….I got Weezie. Now we are a family of 5. I love your story and it has made me realize how lucky I am to be a dachshund mom. Big Hugs to your son””s they are so precious and a big hug to Kirby for being just what they needed. And a whale of a hug to you for taking in Kirby!!!
Oh Ramona, thank you so much for sharing your Dachshund history!!! I relate exactly to this. Kirby was there for me when I lost my mom to lung cancer almost 11 years ago. I was not married and I also cannot have biological children, hence my love of adoption. But Dachshunds – well, probably any pet or breed a person falls in love with – really do fill our lives with so much love and companionship. So glad that you”ve been able to give your love to many generations of Dachshunds – and your mom, too. Best wishes to your mom, and to you and Weezie and Lucy Lou…and the rest in your family! Thanks for posting. Keep in touch through Pet Health Central on Facebook!
Excellent story. Can I wipe back my tears. And when are you bringing Dr. Kirby to Pet Day Friday so that everyone can meet him?
Marcia, Dr. Kirby is sort of a cranky, strange old professor these days! 🙂 At his age, he really prefers to stay at home. But perhaps one week I will bring him in. I”ll have to use the elevator with him to get him upstairs, though. That old wiener dog spine ain”t what it used to be! 🙂
Awwwww. Kirby sounds like a little sweetie. 🙂
Thanks, Amanda. He really is a fabulous guy. Although old age is making him naughtier!!! I bet he”d love your Pug, Peanut!
Darn proud to be your Cousin, Kelly! All of us Lytle”s seem to have PHD”s from the College of Hard Knocks! 🙂
Nothing wrong with the College of Hard Knocks! Sometimes it makes us better people. Of course, I certainly wish for my children”s sake, and for Kirby”s, that they had not had to go through much of what they did. But in the end, it has made my boys much more insightful and, well most of the time, appreciative. (I do still have the reality and dark sides of two middle school boys, after all!)
Great story Kelly! Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for reading, Laura! I”m glad people are enjoying the post and hope it encourages them to use pets to help their own children learn and grow!
What a great story, Kirby sounds like and awesome dog, I am glad he was able to be there to help your sons adjust to being members of a family again.
Thanks for sharing your story – very inspiring! I lost my 11-year-old dachshund named Ginger recently and adopted a 13-year-old tiny 7-pound girl named Minnie to take her place. Max is my other dog, a 1-year-old chiweenie. He didn”t llike being alone and is much happier as Minnie”s “big” brother. Minnie has helped both of us heal after losing our Ginger girl.
Isn”t it amazing, Sandi, how much dogs (or other pets, I suppose) can help us heal? They seem to have a connection with us that is really profound and hard to describe. But it truly is strong. I am SUPER happy to hear that you adopted a senior dog!!!! I love the senior pets – I think they are so often overlooked, but have an extra special way of loving us. I also adopted a younger dog as Kirby aged – about 1.5 years ago we adopted Zelda, who is only 11 pounds and is a raving lunatic weenie! But we love her, and I really do believe she has helped Kirby have company during the day when we”re gone, and has helped him stay a big ”younger”! Best of luck to all of you!
Great story Kelly! I can relate so much to the lessons the boys learned from Kirby since mine had to learn the same ones but with regular therapists! ha ha Congratulations on the wonderful family you have built with the help of your wonderful PhD dog!
Oh Marielle, we”ve had plenty of need for real Ph.D. therapists as well, believe me! 🙂 But having Kirby helped them in different ways. And of course, they”ve also helped to keep Kirby young and absolutely shower him with love in his old age! 🙂
Great Story Kelly! I have always said pets are always part of the family! When my daughter was young she would even take her fish out of the tank and kiss them!
Thanks, Patti. I love that your daughter would kiss fish! Pets of all kinds really do teach children empathy, love and responsibility. Amazing what these creatures – big and small – do for us humans!
Kelly: Great post! Great to hear about you and how the boys are adjusting to their new lives!
I can attest to the healing power of a dog, most recently with my dad. He”s been in remission from cancer for a little over a year, but it”s the kind of cancer that will come back, but when or how is anyone”s guess. He was feeling the weight of that reality, and a dog was divinely rescued and found it”s way to dad (that”s a long story!). He”s happier, healthier, and is just more himself since getting “Buddy”, the black Cocker Spaniel!
Animals DO deserve advanced degrees in therapy!
Thanks, Ani! I”m sorry to hear about your dad – cancer just plain sucks. Nothing more can be said about that. When my mom had lung cancer about 11 years ago, Kirby would lay next to her for hours upon end, just to comfort her. They actually say that dogs can smell cancer now – which is a whole post unto itself! I”m so glad that your dad is feeling much more like himself with Buddy around – and that Buddy now has not only a family who loves him, but a purpose in life! Dogs need purpose – and for most dogs, that purpose becomes ”being there” for their people. Thoughts and prayers for your dad and the rest of your family, and hoping that the cancer stays away for a long time! And of course, a BIG kiss and hug to Buddy!
Loved this! So well-written and beautifully said.
Kelly, I love your story, of course! Every time I read about Dachshunds I want one 🙂 and the story of your kids and Kirby, it”s beautiful, simply beautiful.
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