Shhhh…Top Secret Pet Health Central Project!

It’s every guy’s dream to be a secret agent.

Okay, almost any guy. Okay, mine, anyway.

I have personally rejected movie roles as James Bond, Jane Bond, GI Jane, middle-aged Spy Kid, Jason Bourne and Fluffy the Wonder Llama, a furry and camel-like spy whose weapons include Blinding Super Spit, the Itchy Blanket and the Sharp Hooves of Doom. I have rejected them all because I knew my destiny lay in some greater adventure. That should be capitalized into the Greater Adventure, because it is going to be Great(er) and also Adventurous.

I am currently involved in a media mogul project so secret (it is actually one step above Top-Secret, which is so secret I can’t even say the level of secret it is, except to say it is above Top), so hush-hush that the very fate of the free world may well depend on it. Or, at least that’s my take on it.

With my friends at Sergeant’s, I am working on a new multimedia extravaganza cavalcade that promises to inform, amuse, amaze, confuse and quite possibly usher in a new, golden age of enduring love and peace for pets around the globe. It may just be the block I live on, but I am pretty darn sure it is the whole globe. Parts of Nevada may be excluded. I’ll have to check the fine print. There’s always the pesky fine print with these big show production deals.

As a teaser, you’ve already seen the on-set photo – part of this new, no-holds barred, high-budget multimedia venture, at the top of this post.

That’s me on the left, all suited up and stuff. What you can’t see in this picture is the sheer amount of planning, strategizing and execution that went into making this the smashing success that it is destined to be. (That’s because the camera broke after we took pictures of all the planning and strategizing and execution because someone spewed tick-juice all over it, or you totally would have seen all that stuff). It is not hyperbolic in the least to say that it will change everything we know, as long as everything we know is very loosely defined and you forget that statement by the time this project actually goes live…which is just a few weeks away!!

These days the words ‘awesome’ and ‘amazing’ are tossed about like things that are tossed about a lot (Juggling balls? Kittens? Cookies?) but I am tossing out ALL the adjectives on this one in order to leave none for the critics to use. Posers.

Now that I have your interest piqued, or at the very least have you thoroughly annoyed and confused, stay tuned and watch this space for details on this new, earth-shattering, adjective-infused and totally-hyphenated adventure. Once it’s not Ultra-Uber-Umlaut-Secret, I promise, YOU’LL LOVE IT! YOU’LL COME BACK FOR MORE! YOU’LL SHARE IT WITH EVERYONE! YOU’LL TUNE IN TO EVERY EPISODE!

(Crud – I think I just violated the terms of my Ultra-Uber-Umlaut-Secret clearance…)

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